In chapter 9 of Aging Matters, readers are introduced to the topic of loss and grief in old age. This is a topic I am very interested in, because of the loss of both of my grandfathers a few years back. I did not understand why they had to go, and did not really know their feelings about dying all together. My mind was expanded when I learned about the different phases both of my Cancer-stricken grandparents might have gone through.
In Aging Matters, there are many different losses that elders face
everyday. This includes:
· Death of a loved one
· Memory
· Health decline
· Relocation
· Creating a new nest
· Retirement or loss of job
· Days without structure
· No longer able to care for others/disabled children
· Society
(2015)
When an older person loses
their spouse or life partner, they lose a part of themselves. Each person, no
matter how young or old, reacts differently to death. But like with most
things, views on certain topics change as you get older, including the topic of
death. We can only imagine how it feels to become closer to death, especially
after losing a partner.
A 2011 study compared the
dying anxiety between bereaved and nonbereaved elderly. The study consisted of
49 older people who lost a spouse or child, and 48 who have not. The bereaved
49 scored much higher in dying anxiety compared to the nonbereaved. Also,
mothers scored higher in dying anxiety than fathers (Azaiza et. al, 2011).
As an elder is preparing for
their own and their loved ones deaths, they are able to participate in grief
therapy. The idea of grief therapy is to improve the quality of dying for the
elderly. Participants of grief therapy often discuss past, present, and future
losses. For example, in a anticipatory grief therapy session a 76-year-old
woman discussed the future loss of their children.
She explained, "I really
can't let [my children] go... I raised my sons and daughters, but I didn't care
for them well, and now that I have] no more chance, I really miss them. You're
old, and you can't even take care of yourself, and it will all be gone once you
're gone. It feels really bad, but you can't help it".
Another 73-year-old woman
explained how she feels like a burden to the people around her.
"When you get old, you
really become. ..a burden. You're a burden, laud] however well your children
care for you, it doesn't make you less of a burden. I reckon I’m finished.
[Life] should finish. It's got to finish. If you let me, I'd choose death over
life".
Some grief therapy includes
reflection, expression, and affirmation of meaning through artwork.
A 71-year-old made a picture
that had a boat in turbulent water. He explained, "It means going against
the current. Stresses and the current can't wash you away - you've got to use
your whole life's strength to push against it. You mustn't be afraid of
difficulties; [you] must fight with the adversity”.
In this type of therapy, the
elderly can speak feeling of their emotions, and ask for help. In group
sessions, they have other peers going through the same processes that they are.
The elders have the support and listeners that they need (Cheng et. al, 2010).
There are two different kinds
of grief in the elderly: complicated and uncomplicated.
Uncomplicated grief consists
in 5 stages.
These include:
· Denial
· Anger
· Bargaining
· Depression
· Acceptance
After the stages are complete, the person is
able to return to their pre-loss state.
Complicated grief is the
failure to return to pre-loss levels of everyday performance or states of
emotional well-being. This type of grief is most prevalent in the elderly due
to the loss around them (Prigerson et. al, 1995).
In this Ted Talks video, Elaine Mansfield, a hospice bereavement workshop leader, and elderly woman explains her experience through loss.
Other websites to check out:
http://www.seniorcitizensguide.com/articles/pittsburgh/grief-support-older-adults.html
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